self-exploration of love

When you look deep within yourself, you know that you have the desire to be understood by your lover. A mutual understanding is required before the feeling of love can exist. This is extremely fundamental. Without two couples understanding each other, flights and verbal abuse surely ensure. Communication is the key. People would think that the couples just need to talk. It is far from the truth. Creative expression of emotions and thoughts are essential to add spices in a relationship. How do we learn to be more creative in our expression? Being an INTJ, I used to be strongly inclined with my thoughts. It is not easy for me express my emotions. I am more a logical person. During years of self-development, I learned to how to connect my emotion and express them. Most people don't know how to translate their feeling into words. I have found a method very useful for myself when I need to communicate complicated feeling. When you have a feeling, just take a moment to observe the picture/sound that is running into your mind. Take notice of the picture. You will find out that those pictures generate feeling within you. Describe the pictures in your mind and relate how those pictures create a response of feeling within you. You should not censor any information projected by your mind. You will be amazed by this method. You are communicating with sincerity. This is what I called creative expression of emotion. It is then up to the other half to accept what you had said. A mutual acceptance is needed to establish a common ground. Without mutual understanding, there will be no love
We, human, are, not perfect. To err is human as saying mentioned. If your partner makes a mistake, if you cannot forgive her, there will be no love. Often we made mistakes because of conflicting emotions. We need to understand such conflicting emotions. Make use of creative expression to explain the mistake you have made. Forgiveness is another essential element of love. Without forgiveness, there will be no love.
Why do we fall in love in the first place? Is it the physical beauty? Or is it his finer personality? This is called mutual admiration. We are attracted to people that we admire. The admiration can be purely physical. This usually is not lasting as we do age. Eventually, we will lose the physical attraction. We have a set of quality in a person that we admire. Personally, I admire people who are entrepreneur. It is partly due to the fact that I think it takes a lot of confidence, risk taking, strategy planning, self-discipline, passion, influential and social skills to be successful. Their abilities to withstand challenging time and later survive and flourish do give me inspiration on life. So, what are the qualities that you admire? What are the things that you admire about your partner? Is it because the way he loves you or because the way he makes you happy? Without mutual admiration, there will be no love.
Relationship can become tense during challenging time for either one or both partners. If one of the partners is experiencing emotional distress from work, knowing how to be supportive would strengthen the relationship. If the breadwinner lost his job, the family capability to be happy would be significantly reduced. I personally saw a family broke up because of this. One's might marry a rich man in order to feel secured. With a sense of security, they could feel loved as things take care themselves. Once the security is lost, the partner might feel discomfort to the extent that seeking other man for security. It is unfortunate as it has happened to one of my friends. Hence, I do believe that for love to be lasting, each couple needs to examine the reason to stay together. Without mutual emotional support, there will be no love.
Sometimes our loved one buy us gifts, help us to lighten the burden of life, gives us encouragement, spend quality time together and yet, we might take it for granted. The lack of mutual appreciation can strain the relationship. How do we show the appreciation? What type of appreciation is the most heart-felt? Honestly, I still yet to discover. A simply thank you is by far the least a person can do. I think the answer might lie in how someone express love. Without mutual appreciation, there will be no love.
Surprisingly people have different ways of expressing love to each other. The language of love is a book I highly recommended. Someone might like to give gifts generously to the partner while the partner might take it as a waste of money. Others might require affirmation of love from the partner regularly and yet the other might see it too excessive, a sign of lack of security. There are five languages of love: gift, intimacy, quality time, out of service and words. Understanding each partner primary and secondary languages of love will clear most misunderstanding. The book explains in details how mismatch of languages of love could result in perceived unlovingnes from the other half. Again, here we reaffirm the need of mutual understanding.
When you love someone, you want the best for your partner. It is rather inappropriate for the partner to let his loved one to continue destructive or unhealthy behaviour such as binge eating or drug taking. We understand that we need mutual acceptance. Yet we couldn't accept that your partner is destroying his life by excessive gambling for example. I am using a dramatic case here. Life is always more subtle than this. What you think the best for your partner, your partner might not think it is the best for her. For example, I am more of a homely person and fiercefully independent . My partner might think that I might be feeling lonely. I didn't mix with lots of people. My partner might encourage me to mix with more people and more social-able. The question is I like to spend my time being myself, doing reading, and writing and connect myself spirituality. I tend to connect to people who are share almost similar thoughts and values. I have been using the law of attraction to attract them with considerable success. There are cases where the partner has been increasing in weight over the years posting health hazards. Although he might love her, he might not want to hurt her feeling. It is a lower level of love as it seeks short term solution for what is best for the long term. When it comes to what is best, there are always shades of grays. Being wise and having the wide perspective would help.

INTJ (Introversion, iNtuition, Thinking, Judgment) versus INFJ (Introversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Judging)

Well, according to the test, I am 60% INTJ, 40% INFJ which are quite contradictory.

INTJ

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INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake ... INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play ... Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel ... This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals ... Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense.

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INTJs are analytical. Like INTPs, they are most comfortable working alone and tend to be less socialble than other types. Nevertheless, INTJs are prepared to lead if no one else seems up to the task, or if they see a major weakness in the current leadership. They tend to be pragmatic, logical, and creative. They have a low tolerance for spin or rampant emotionalism. They are not generally susceptible to catchphrases and do not recognize authority based on tradition, rank, or title.

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INTJs are strong individualists who seek new angles or novel ways of looking at things. They enjoy coming to new understandings. They tend to be insightful and mentally quick; however, this mental quickness may not always be outwardly apparent to others since they keep a great deal to themselves. They are very determined people who trust their vision of the possibilities, regardless of what others think. They may even be considered the most independent of all of the sixteen personality types. INTJs are at their best in quietly and firmly developing their ideas, theories, and principles.

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Hallmarks of the INTJ include independence of thought and a desire for efficiency. They work best when given autonomy and creative freedom. They harbor an innate desire to express themselves by conceptualizing their own intellectual designs. They have a talent for analyzing and formulating complex theories. INTJs are generally well-suited for occupations within academia, research, management, engineering, and law. They are often acutely aware of their own knowledge and abilities—as well as their limitations and what they don't know (a quality that tends to distinguish them from INTPs). INTJs thus develop a strong confidence in their ability and talents, making them natural leaders.

In forming relationships INTJs tend to seek out others with similar character traits and ideologies. Agreement on theoretical concepts is an important aspect of their relationships. By nature INTJs can be demanding in their expectations, and they approach relationships in a rational manner. As a result INTJs may not always respond to a spontaneous infatuation but wait for a mate who better fits their set criteria. They tend to be stable, reliable, and dedicated. Harmony in relationships and home life tends to be extremely important to them. They generally withhold strong emotion and do not like to waste time with what they consider irrational social rituals. This may cause non-INTJs to perceive them as distant and reserved. Nevertheless, INTJs are usually very loyal partners who are prepared to commit substantial energy and time into a relationship to make it work.

INFJ

INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear vision, which they then execute decisively to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.

INFJs are quiet, private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Although very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.

INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions, and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types. However, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal this except to their closest companions. INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits," rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.

INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired.Yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition.