Understanding Meditation

Giving attention is not meditation. Meditation is not concentration. Meditation is not contemplation. The word 'meditation' originated from spirituality. In India, spiritual seekers understood the deeper aspects of 'meditation'. But today the word 'meditation' has become commonplace and is being used without its deeper meaning. It has therefore lost its importance. 'Giving attention' is being understood as 'meditation' by most people.

Meditation is an attribute. It is an attribute of the witness. The witness which is called differently by different people... God, Allah, Self, Self-awareness, Consciousness, etc. Meditation is that source which is present even in deep sleep – self-awareness - even in the state of unawareness.

Meditation simply means 'doing nothing.' For some people 'doing nothing' is very difficult. How can we do 'nothing'? If someone asks, 'What should I do to get sleep? What can be done to get sleep faster?' Then he will be told , 'You have to do nothing to get sleep. Just go and lie down. If you try to get sleep, it will run away. You can get sleep very easily without making any effort.' In the same way, meditation is also a process in which there is no need to do anything. You simply have to be present.

The techniques which have been designed to kick start meditation or to improve concentration, have also been called 'meditation'. This 'meditation' is a path to self-meditation. Self-Meditation means meditation of 'Self' which is the real aim of meditation. Just improving concentration is not the goal of meditation. The word 'Self-Meditation' is more appropriate than the word 'meditation'. But due to the greater prevalence of the word 'meditation', people have forgotten the real meaning of meditation. Concentration is a ladder in the path of meditation. Concentration improves with meditation. But if someone is meditating with the aim of improving concentration, then he is taking only minimal benefit from meditation. Many a times it so happens that someone begins on the path of meditation to attain 'Self–Realization', but he becomes very happy with improved concentration having gotten some powers and strays away from his real goal.

Meditation has also been taken as a Yogic Practice. Meditation (awareness) is necessary in every field of life. No work can be done without meditation. Meditation is essential for all activities of life. All our senses affect our body. Whenever our senses are directed externally and are involved in external things, then all the energy of our mind gets exhausted in the external objects. Therefore it is necessary that we have some control over our senses, which is possible through meditation. Through meditation it is possible to utilize for ourself a part of the energy which is getting consumed in the external world. To shift the mind from external objects and stabilize it inside is the beginning of meditation.
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Increase your Will Power
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Every person makes promises to himself and to others. Many times he is unable to fulfil them and his will power starts to diminish. Therefore, as the first step, do not make a promise that you cannot keep. If you have made a vow, you must fulfil it. In order to strengthen your will power begin with minor promises. Some examples of such promises can be: I shall hold my hand high continuously for 2 minutes. I will not bring it down before the end of 2 minutes. Or, I will study for 2 hours. Or, I will not move form where I am sitting. Or, I will not have my lunch today. Fasting is a very good experiment to increase your will power. As these smaller promises get fulfilled, you can take upon bigger ones and add to your self confidence.
You could perform another experiment before retiring for the night. When you hit the sacks, ask yourself, "Is there one more task that I can complete before I go to sleep?" Then go ahead and complete it. Even if the task is trivial and not urgent, complete one such task every day. If you do so, you will find your willpower increasing tremendously.
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B R E A T H I N G M E D I T A T I O N
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Sit in an appropriate posture and mudra of meditation.
Relax yourself by taking one or two deep breaths and releasing slowly.
Let your breathing continue to be as it is at present. Shallow breathing or deep breathing, comfortable, natural... however it may be, let it continue the same. If you control your breathing, then it is not meditation. It is Pranayam (breath regulation).
Be aware whether the breath is going in or coming out... now it went in... now it came out...from the right nostril... from the left nostril... or from both nostrils, etc. Be aware of every direction and every state (cold or warm) of breath.
Concentrate the mind on the breath that is going in and coming out. Perceive the breath that is going in and identify the breath that is coming out... it went in... it came out... went in... came out. Just remain aware of your breathing as it is - natural breathing, comfortable, easy breathing.
Sometimes your breathing will be deep, sometimes shallow. Keeping the body steady, remain aware of the coming and going of every breath.
Practice this meditation for 20-45 minutes as per your convenience. After some time when you become an expert in this meditation, then meditate on the interval between two breaths.
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S O U N D M E D I T A T I O N
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Close your eyes and sit in the meditation posture and fingers of hand in dhyan mudra (index finger touching the tip of thumb, remaining fingers stretched out).

Keeping the body steady, listen to all the sounds around you and try to perceive and identify five different types of sounds.

If there is the sound of a rotating fan, then there can be various other sounds contained in that sound, which you should listen to carefully. Various types of sounds can include conversations of people, clattering of vessels, children playing, horns and sounds of cars, different vehicles, etc. The sound of something falling, the sound of somebody walking, the sounds of TV, tape recorder, or radio, the sound of birds, dogs barking or fighting. There can be the sounds of water flowing, the sound of a whistle, sound of somebody laughing or crying. When there are no sounds, then try to perceive the sound of silence. Feel the stillness.

Try to perceive every type of sound around you. If you can hear the sound of an aeroplane flying, then there are different sounds of various types of aeroplanes. Try to identify even the minutest of sounds. After identifying five different types of sounds, open your eyes.

Every week, go on trying to increase the number of sounds perceived.


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T H O U G H T M E D I T A T I O N
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Close your eyes and sit in the meditation posture and fingers of hand in dhyan mudra (index finger touching the tip of thumb, remaining fingers stretched out).

Start watching your thoughts. See which thoughts are going on inside you.

Keeping the body steady, keep watching the types of thoughts that are going on in your mind from a distance (without getting identified, remaining separate). In this meditation, while being separate, you will know what kind of thoughts go on in your mind, what thoughts are going on about various subjects…

Keep watching and knowing your thoughts like a witness. Don't label any thought as good or bad. Avoid any such desire that I want more thoughts or I don't want any thoughts.

Initially do this meditation for 5 minutes and gradually go on increasing its time. When you become an expert in this meditation, then start giving numbers to your thoughts.

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E A G L E M E D I T A T I O N
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Eagle is a bird that views from the top. Its vision is amazingly sharp. In the same way, this meditation is practiced with open eyes to develop your physical and mental vision. Therefore it has been called Eagle Meditation.
With eyes open, ask yourself which all objects of red color are present around you?

On opening your eyes in the morning, while going to the washbasin, on the way see which red-colored objects are present. Search for at least 5 red objects around you.

Make a resolution every day to see different colors. Green the second day, blue the third day, orange some other day, and so on.

In this way, you will start knowing about the objects in your home. We have stopped seeing our home and the objects present there. With this meditation, we increase our power of observation. There are many things we have actually stopped seeing. But with this meditation, you will be surprised that you start seeing again. It may happen then when you decide upon pink color, then you don't easily get objects of this color. If you take violet, then you won't be able to see violet objects very easily. But if you want to see those colors, then you will have to see your whole house very carefully and meticulously.

After about after 12 days, all colours would have been exhausted. This is when your observation is truly put to test. There are many colors. Take different shades of a color such as light blue, dark blue, etc. and continue practicing this meditation

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I N T E R V A L M E D I T A T I O N
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Feel In The Blank
Close your eyes and sit in the meditation posture and fingers of hand in dhyan mudra (index finger touching the tip of thumb, remaining fingers stretched out). Remain aware of your breath moving in and out through the nostrils.

Now when the breath goes in and comes out, then there is an interval between these two, even if it is the thousandth part of a second. Concentrate your mind on that interval (point) where the breath is neither going in nor coming out, i.e. there is a gap - blank. (Feel in the blank, don't fill in the blank). Similar interval exists in between two thoughts. People fill this interval with thoughts and that is why they always exist in the head. Meditation connects us to the heart - not the physical heart, but our center.

Similarly, when the breath after coming out goes in again, then there is such a point when the breath has stopped for some time. Keep your attention on that interval (gap) making a firm resolution in your mind that I will be aware about both these points of every breath - where the breath changes its direction. Your normal breathing should continue. If you miss these points, then there is no need to worry. Pay attention to the next breath.

Our breathing is always going on all the time. That is why this meditation can be done anywhere and anytime.


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Thought Numbering Meditation
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In this meditation, for becoming thoughtless, thoughts are destroyed by giving sequential numbers. Begin the meditation by watching every thought.

Now start numbering every thought. As soon as one thought arises, number it in your mind as 'one'. As the second thought arises, number it as 'two.' In this way, continue counting the thoughts.

Sit quietly even when there are no thoughts. If this thought arises that, "At this time I don't have any thought", then number this thought also because, "I don't have any thought" is also a thought.

Don't follow any thought. Just number it and leave it.

With this meditation, the number of thoughts will reduce drastically. Sometimes even a thoughtless state will result. Practice this meditation regularly without expecting a given result

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Gratitude Meditation
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Close your eyes for 2 -3 minutes.

Look at yourself. Imagine your duplicate or clone which is exactly like you, but blind.

Look at the whole life of your blind clone. How he/she is living from morning to night. Look at what difficulties he/she faces due to being blind. Look at your clone living your daily life.

While imagining all this, feel all of his/her suffering arising out of the difficulties.

After seeing all this, make your clone go away. Now you will be filled with gratitude because you don't face all these difficulties since you have sight. Thank the Lord for this.

On the second day of this meditation, see your clone as deaf and perceive all his difficulties. Thank God. Get filled with gratitude. The feeling of gratitude makes you sensitive and receptive. You begin to understand more of others' pains and sufferings.

Every day in this meditation, contemplate on various blessings in the life of an individual and imagine about them. This will enable you to feel the grace that has been bestowed upon you. Without contemplation, even diamonds are coals.


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Concentration Meditation
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Concentration Meditation means to concentrate on something. For instance, if you are asked to recall what you had eaten yesterday at night or in the afternoon, then you will have to concentrate there. In this way, you can do this meditation by various methods. Here is the way to meditate recalling music:

Close your eyes, sit in the meditation posture, and listen with your internal ears.

Keep your fingers in the dhyan mudra (join the index finger and thumb while keeping rest of the fingers straight) during this experiment.

With your eyes closed, try to listen with your internal ears the sound of a flute. (This flute is actually not playing anywhere outside. Just like you can hear movie or album songs in your mind even when they are actually not being played anywhere, in the same manner listen to the sound of a flute).

Listen only to the sound of a flute, if you hear the sound of some drums or anything else in between, push it aside.

Now open your eyes.


In this meditation, many people feel that they could hear the sound initially, then it got lost, again they could grasp it, again it got lost. This happens because the flute is not really being played at this time which can be listened to. Many people have listened to the sound of flute very often, that is why it can be very easy for them. It may not be simple for many others because they have hardly ever heard the sound of a flute.

In this experiment, you should keep changing the sounds. You can sometimes listen to drums, sometimes to a clarinet and so on. In this way you can keep changing the musical instrument. This will help strengthen your concentration power. You can listen to a different sound every day.

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Worry Fast
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The One Hour Worry Cure Technique

Man fasts a lot. He goes without food for the sake of his health or out of the fear of God. Man thinks a lot about the food he feeds himself.... whether he should eat something or not… the impact of what he is eating... whether he will enjoy it or not. Obviously it is important to think so, because certain foods have a negative impact on the body. But such thinking is secondary. What then is primary?

What is primary is what you are feeding your mind with. Have you ever pondered on what thoughts you feed your mind in twenty-four hours? Are you feeding positive thoughts or negative thoughts? These are thoughts that impact your whole life. You have always used only two ways to combat worry… fight or flight. A better way is to face it.

Face the worry by acknowledging it and by just being with it without worrying over worry. Face the worry by deciding a fixed amount of time where you will not worry at all, come what may. This is what is called as WORRY FAST. To start with, decide an hour of the day where you will be on a worry fast. During that hour you will not entertain any thoughts of worry at all. You are welcome to worry later as much as you want. During that one hour, whatever incident happens, however terrible it may seem, carry through your resolve of not being worried. During that hour, someone might inform you that belongings have been stolen. Reply back saying that you will not worry since it is none of your business. That person will emphasize that it is your belongings that have been stolen. Retort back saying that then he need not worry since it is none of his business. This example emphasizes that during your hour of worry fast, no incident should affect you however adverse it may be.

Choose an hour out of your schedule as per what suits you. There already might be a time of the day where you are most stressed. Some are stressed in the morning since they hurry a lot. That is the perfect time then to go on a worry fast. Some may be most anxious at work. Then choose an hour at work accordingly. There are many who are disturbed when they are back home from work. They try to quieten their disturbed mind by diverting the mind elsewhere, watching television, consuming alcohol, gambling, gossiping, etc. The result is that they invite more worry unnecessarily. Instead of a 'flight' from worry, face it. Face it by going on a worry fast. One hour of worry fast strengthens your ability to face worry. This hour is a great investment.

The procedure of worry fast is very simple. Staunchly determine about abstaining from worry in that hour. Tell yourself that you will remain cool, calm and poised for the next one hour. Then during that hour, when an event that triggers worry occurs, remind yourself that you are on a worry fast. Begin doing so. Once you have tasted being worry free for an hour, then the process for being liberated from worry is set in motion.
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Neutral Meditation
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Neutral meditation means you are neutral for every thought. If you are in sorrow, you are neutral; if you are in joy yet you are neutral. When you are practicing this meditation, then:

1) If you are sad, don't say, "I am sad." At such time, say, "Thoughts of sorrow are passing through my mind."

2) If you are happy, yet you should remain neutral. At such time also, say, "Thoughts of happiness are passing through my mind." At such time, don't say, "I am happy" or "I am sad", instead your thoughts should be neutral in both instances. That is why it has been called as 'Neutral Meditation.'

You can practice this meditation any time of the day. When you get thoughts of boredom, make them neutral. When you get thoughts of hatred, then too look at them with a neutral feeling and say, "At this time, thoughts of boredom or thoughts of hatred are passing by." Never say, "I am bored… angry… depressed… anxious… " etc. This will help you to remain balanced and steady in every situation.

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Stop Getting Angry on Anger
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Whenever you feel anger rising in you, remember these steps:

1. Accept your anger first. 'Yes, I am feeling angry.'

2. There is no need to be angrier about being angry. 'Anger on anger' is the result of ignorance.

3. When there is no anger on anger, then it will be fairly simple to get rid of anger.

4. Repeat to yourself that now that this anger has arisen, there is something I need to act upon. This action ultimately leads to my growth.

5. Whenever there is anger, it would have left you with a lesson… a lesson of understanding. A lesson that would have taught you the art of being peaceful even while in tension.
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The Coolest way of calming Anger
Prayer : The blessing of peace
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If anger is burning coal, then prayer is cool water. The words of prayer cool down the burning of the whole body. On praying, a person's receptivity for peace increases. That means he allows peace to enter inside him. Peace fills his whole body, his whole life. It proves to be a blessing, a boon.

For calming the flames of anger, sing the prayer given below from within, with awareness and love.

I am peaceful in the presence of God (Silence).
I am experiencing complete peace.
I am created by God,
Therefore tranquillity, peace, and happiness, which is the nature of God
is spreading within my heart and mind.
God has created nothing to disrupt this peace.
Whatever may be the reason of my instability,
it is not in the list of the Almighty.
I am offering myself in His lap,
just like a tired child rests in the lap of his mother.
Waves of happiness are arising all around me and I am feeling
a sense of stillness everywhere.
Peace… Peace… Peace…

The above is the shortest method to get freedom from anger. In this method, you just have to repeat this Truth, this prayer, again and again. The words of Truth can liberate you from anger easily.

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Need or Want
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People complain, because they compare. "If my neighbour, or colleague has purchased a television, then I must have it." At that moment, before buying anything, ask yourself, "Do I really need it?"

When you say, it is a 'Need', it means there is a compulsion of buying because it is essential and can be used daily.'Want' is that which you like and wish to have, only because others have it or it is nice to have.

Whenever you feel like buying anything, ask the question in simple alphabets... N or W (Need or Want). If the answer is 'Want', then think again. Are all your needs fulfilled? - children's need, household needs, medicine, grocery, etc. You can definitely spend on 'Wants', but only after your 'Needs' have been addressed. You will be surprised to find out that more than half of your problems of money will be solved by 'N or W'.


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"I D O N' T K N O W" M E D I T A T I O N
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In 'I don't know' meditation, all labels have to be kept aside. A label is any word that we use to represent a physical object.

When you see any object - like looking at a wall clock in your house, tell yourself, "I don't know what this is." Whenever you see any object at home or even if you see your mother, then don't say immediately that this is my mother. You should say, "I don't know who this is. Let me see which lady is going". Then look at her face carefully. You would be surprised that so many changes have taken place in your mother's face and you haven't even noticed them because seeing had totally stopped. You have put the label that "This is mother. What is there to be seen?" Seeing has stopped. But we have to start seeing again. Looking at a chair, don't say 'chair'. Ask, 'What is this thing?'. Seeing in this way changes your attention. This is called 'I don't know' meditation.

After having seen every object in the room without labeling, then that very room will become alive for you. Every object will feel more colorful and more alive. This meditation will also end your boredom.

Handling Disappoinment

When you learn to welcome challenges and love problem solving, disappointments will disappear. Enjoy the thrill of being a champion by relishing battles, whether you win or lose them. Whenever things go wrong, analyze the situation and see what you can learn and then move on. If you are constantly running into hurdles when pursuing a long-term goal, just remember there is no failure until you give up, so don't! Don't you love puzzles? Life is a maze (it is also amazing). Enjoy it! When you run into a dead end, just turn around and try again! Be an explorer, an adventurer. Take risks. Shoot for the stars! To do so is to experience an exhilaration that far exceeds the power of any disappointment that may come your way.

Abandon childish demands and foolish expectations. Are you looking for the perfect mate? If you are, you're sure to be disappointed. For only God is perfect. We mortals are imperfect. If you can accept that, you can eliminate much unnecessary misery from your life. The same is true for the perfect job, perfect child, or perfect life. It doesn't exist (unless we are among a handful of remarkable individuals who have enough clarity of mind, purity of heart, and understanding of life to see nothing but goodness).

Buddha and the bright side of disappointment
Let’s look at a concrete example from the life of Buddha Shakyamuni. After the Prince set off to begin his quest for enlightenment he spent several years living as a hardcore yogi. During these years the Buddha spent most of his time fasting and sitting in one place without moving.

One day, however, the Price realized that this extreme path was not going to bare any fruit and so he gave up that life in search of something more effective. He had spent years mastering a style of meditation that was not going to work.

Now most of us would view this as “wasted time”. We would curse the fact that we spent all those years and didn’t achieve anything. But the Prince moved on to new things. He knew that the time wasn’t wasted because without that work he would never have progressed to the next stage. Without it he would never have become the great man that has changed the lives of hundreds of millions throughout history.

Using disappointment to grow
We need to be more like the Buddha. We need to see disappointment as one step in a series of many that is leading to bigger and better things. If you choose to dwell on disappointment and curse the day that it happened you are going to get stuck. The wise use it as a catalyst for change.

Number of earthquake on the increase?

Let's assume that seismometer was able to detect any earthquake greater than 7.0 100 years ago, from http://www.moorlandschool.co.uk/earth/images/Earthquakefaq.htm
we get


the number of earthquake fluctuates quite widely where the peaks can be twice as large as the norm.We have less large earthquake for about 10 years.

Let's us look back at the smaller earthquake (ie 6.0-6.9)


There seems to be some increase at first glance for magnitude 6.0-6.9 since 1990. It is just 40-80% increase pre-1990. The question is why there is a sudden jump of number of earthquake after 1990 and persist somewhat at that level. One thing is certain, the earthquake doesn't increase over the years. The sudden jump is a unexplainable.

New year resolution 1

I will be adopting a “mini-fast exercise” protocol for fat loss as been published in peer-reviewed journal. The fat loss is on average 0.5kg per week with no loss of muscle!! It fact, it gains some muscle!!.The general feature is that during every 24 h, there is a 12–14 h fast within which is nested a session of prolonged, moderate-intensity aerobic exercise. Meals are not calorically restricted, but foods that are low in both fat and glycemic index are recommended. If participants choose to exercise in the morning, they skip breakfast and do not eat until noon. If they choose to exercise at noon, they skip lunch. If they choose to exercise in the evening, they eat an early light dinner, and then wait at least two hours to exercise (so that fasting insulin levels are restored); no food is consumed between the exercise and bedtime.

Here is the clinical study result. It is amazing!! I wonder the result will be valid for people who have lower fat to start with.

So I will be having no dinner and not even protein powder and fruit juice. I would need a low GI (less than 51) and high fiber breakfast. What it would be?

No watermelon, no white rice (GI=90!!) and anything that are made from white flour. Also I dug out some of the GI of Malaysian food. In fact Milo has a low GI and can be continuous to be consumed.

High intensity interval training.

First week of training:

5min warming up

30s run with all my power, 2min 30s normal pace for 8 cycles

5,8,11,14,17,20,23,26min

I tried it today. I could only do 5 cycles. It is extremely intense. I think I need to build up slowly. Would use high intensity interval training when I am not doing the “mini-fast”. Will couple it when I am doing weight lifting.

My 12 weeks program

During the “mini-fast”, I run at moderate intensity of any aerobic exercise for 45min with crunches of 300 times and trunk twisting exercises for 30min. 4 times per week

During the weight lifting, I will weight-lift with of selected target muscles group for 1hour and high intensity interval training for 30min. 3 times per week.

My aura

I have an aura taken by an ‘aura camera’ in Midvalley. This is the reading. Well, there are true in certain extent.

The left side (future)

RED

The colour on the left side is normally the vibration coming into your being. The closer it is to you, the sooner it will be felt. A few moments, hours, or as long as a few months.

Stop lights, warning lights, pushing the limits-these things may have something in common with your future. Life in the fast lane. A time to experience life to it’s fullest. Stimulating activity, pick up circulation, get going. Your future is full of energy. Doing things, accomplishment, a time to start projects or finish them. Fun is ahead of you.

Center (experience)

RED

The colour seen over your head is what you experience for yourself now. It’s the colour that would best describe you. If the colour is high, it could mean aspirations, or what you wish to be.

“Force of will, passion” would best describe you. Red is the urge to achieve results, to be successful. It is to hungrily desire all those things which offer intensity of living and fullness of experience. Desire, excitability, domination and passion are the qualities most important to you.

Right side (expression)

ORANGE

The colour on the right side is traditionally the energy being expressed. The vibrational frequency most likely seen or felt by others around you. Many times, your friends will think this the energy that you are made of. However, it is what you are putting out to the world

Creative endeavor, you are putting out and creating, Orange is a mixture of red (passion, force of will) and yellow (cheerfulness). The world should see you as up, happy, willing to work. You like to get out and have fun.

self-exploration of love

When you look deep within yourself, you know that you have the desire to be understood by your lover. A mutual understanding is required before the feeling of love can exist. This is extremely fundamental. Without two couples understanding each other, flights and verbal abuse surely ensure. Communication is the key. People would think that the couples just need to talk. It is far from the truth. Creative expression of emotions and thoughts are essential to add spices in a relationship. How do we learn to be more creative in our expression? Being an INTJ, I used to be strongly inclined with my thoughts. It is not easy for me express my emotions. I am more a logical person. During years of self-development, I learned to how to connect my emotion and express them. Most people don't know how to translate their feeling into words. I have found a method very useful for myself when I need to communicate complicated feeling. When you have a feeling, just take a moment to observe the picture/sound that is running into your mind. Take notice of the picture. You will find out that those pictures generate feeling within you. Describe the pictures in your mind and relate how those pictures create a response of feeling within you. You should not censor any information projected by your mind. You will be amazed by this method. You are communicating with sincerity. This is what I called creative expression of emotion. It is then up to the other half to accept what you had said. A mutual acceptance is needed to establish a common ground. Without mutual understanding, there will be no love
We, human, are, not perfect. To err is human as saying mentioned. If your partner makes a mistake, if you cannot forgive her, there will be no love. Often we made mistakes because of conflicting emotions. We need to understand such conflicting emotions. Make use of creative expression to explain the mistake you have made. Forgiveness is another essential element of love. Without forgiveness, there will be no love.
Why do we fall in love in the first place? Is it the physical beauty? Or is it his finer personality? This is called mutual admiration. We are attracted to people that we admire. The admiration can be purely physical. This usually is not lasting as we do age. Eventually, we will lose the physical attraction. We have a set of quality in a person that we admire. Personally, I admire people who are entrepreneur. It is partly due to the fact that I think it takes a lot of confidence, risk taking, strategy planning, self-discipline, passion, influential and social skills to be successful. Their abilities to withstand challenging time and later survive and flourish do give me inspiration on life. So, what are the qualities that you admire? What are the things that you admire about your partner? Is it because the way he loves you or because the way he makes you happy? Without mutual admiration, there will be no love.
Relationship can become tense during challenging time for either one or both partners. If one of the partners is experiencing emotional distress from work, knowing how to be supportive would strengthen the relationship. If the breadwinner lost his job, the family capability to be happy would be significantly reduced. I personally saw a family broke up because of this. One's might marry a rich man in order to feel secured. With a sense of security, they could feel loved as things take care themselves. Once the security is lost, the partner might feel discomfort to the extent that seeking other man for security. It is unfortunate as it has happened to one of my friends. Hence, I do believe that for love to be lasting, each couple needs to examine the reason to stay together. Without mutual emotional support, there will be no love.
Sometimes our loved one buy us gifts, help us to lighten the burden of life, gives us encouragement, spend quality time together and yet, we might take it for granted. The lack of mutual appreciation can strain the relationship. How do we show the appreciation? What type of appreciation is the most heart-felt? Honestly, I still yet to discover. A simply thank you is by far the least a person can do. I think the answer might lie in how someone express love. Without mutual appreciation, there will be no love.
Surprisingly people have different ways of expressing love to each other. The language of love is a book I highly recommended. Someone might like to give gifts generously to the partner while the partner might take it as a waste of money. Others might require affirmation of love from the partner regularly and yet the other might see it too excessive, a sign of lack of security. There are five languages of love: gift, intimacy, quality time, out of service and words. Understanding each partner primary and secondary languages of love will clear most misunderstanding. The book explains in details how mismatch of languages of love could result in perceived unlovingnes from the other half. Again, here we reaffirm the need of mutual understanding.
When you love someone, you want the best for your partner. It is rather inappropriate for the partner to let his loved one to continue destructive or unhealthy behaviour such as binge eating or drug taking. We understand that we need mutual acceptance. Yet we couldn't accept that your partner is destroying his life by excessive gambling for example. I am using a dramatic case here. Life is always more subtle than this. What you think the best for your partner, your partner might not think it is the best for her. For example, I am more of a homely person and fiercefully independent . My partner might think that I might be feeling lonely. I didn't mix with lots of people. My partner might encourage me to mix with more people and more social-able. The question is I like to spend my time being myself, doing reading, and writing and connect myself spirituality. I tend to connect to people who are share almost similar thoughts and values. I have been using the law of attraction to attract them with considerable success. There are cases where the partner has been increasing in weight over the years posting health hazards. Although he might love her, he might not want to hurt her feeling. It is a lower level of love as it seeks short term solution for what is best for the long term. When it comes to what is best, there are always shades of grays. Being wise and having the wide perspective would help.